Top of the Whatnots

Song for a weddingCamille Yarbrough – Take your praise. It ushered in my child bride and is hence ace.

Protest songOtis Redding – A change is gonna come. OK, so it’s not the Sam Cooke version. Deal with it.

Song with panpipesSOUL – Burning spear. The missus hates panpipes, but on this occasion she’ll make an exception.

Song about foodWendy Rene – Bar B-Q. In 2010 we had twenty days of barbecue IN A ROW. We also had a baby, but for some reason people tend to find this less awesome.

Breakup songFreda Payne – Band of gold. Superior to the Diana Ross version, obviously.

Song about walking awayFlaming Ember – Westbound No. 9. Better legroom than Revolution No. 9.

Song about unrequited loveGladys Knight & the Pips – It should have been me. Sings like a peach.

Klaus Wunderlich numberKlaus Wunderlich – Summertime. Not content with the Hammond, he also played the accordion – now that’s what I call a multi-instrumentalist.

Song for a funeralThe Spinners – I’ll be around. My mother in law would prefer Bat out of Hell; this is somewhat tamer.

MashupGo Home Productions – Wouldn’t it be nice to be your first. Beautifully engineered and joyously camp: it’s a pink Porsche for your ears.

Translation from EnglishThe Cat Empire – Hotel California. I fucking hate the Eagles

Beatles coverLena Horne – Rocky Raccoon. Come on – this one’s better than the original, surely?!

Superhero themeMichael Buble – Spider-Man. Dare I say, even better than Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Batman.

TV show themeTheme from Mission Impossible. The coolest tune ever made for TV. Seriously, you can look that shit up.

James bond title themeShirley Bassey – Diamonds are forever. Sure, Goldfinger is great, but outside of the movie context, this one’s the mack daddy.

Bassline
Queen – Another one bites the dust. Even if they did nick it off Chic.

Song in a clinical settingKool Moe Dee – Go see the doctor. Makes you want an STD of your own.

Song for summertime cruising213 – Another summer. Makes me *this* close to sticking hydraulic suspension on my Astra.

Song about smoking weedD’Angelo – Brown sugar. [Insert sweet pun here]

Song to play REALLY LOUDKRS-One – Step into a world. Warning: contains dope MC’ing.

Song for a carnivalTony Matterhorn – Dutty wine. According to the wife, it’s like drinking two cans of shake ass.

Song about ambiguous genitalia
Mufridite – Count Lasher &Williams with Lyn Taitt and Baba and His Band Brooks. Perhaps not the most sympathetic way to raise the profile of this distressing condition, but it’s to the point.